Our First Christmas as a Little Family...

Wow, another Christmas been and gone…I think today we are all suffering that Christmas hangover….tired and lethargic, but oh so willing to graze on all the yummy tummy left overs.

Christmas for us this year started Christmas Eve, Michael, myself and Ryan had a sleep over at Nan & Pop’s. We got to Mum and Dad’s around 4:00pm, we wanted to get there before my brother Michael and his wife, Cecelia dropped Seth off for the evening (we were Seth sitting) along with Mum and Dad’s Christmas presents. Neither Mum nor Dad knew what they were getting from Mick and Cec, but (my) Michael and I did. A pair of budgies, one male, the other female, as we all thought their house was little too quiet since Aussie (aka Girl Bird) passed away.

We managed to get both the birds and the cage inside without too much fuss and without Mum and Dad seeing it. We put them on the kitchen table, and called them into the room. Mum did infact hear the birds but thought they were the birds outside. Dad named the male bird Herbie, while Mum names the female Chrissie, short for Christmas but soon after the name Holly was thought of, and so Herbie and Holly it was.

Traditional Christmas Eve tea in our house (well Mum and Dad’s, hell, you know what I mean) is either cold or fried ham and fried eggs for tea. Has been traditional Christmas Eve tea for as long as I can remember. We always have to try out the ham before Christmas day. Mum and Dad had visitors over, and Michael and I sort of took over the babysitting duties. Seth is such a little cutie. I think we got to bed around 2:30am…probably my latest Christmas Eve ever.

Ryan also had his first bath in a proper bath too. He loved it. So much more room to splash around in. At home we are still using his baby bath, (due to the set up of our bathroom) and he is getting so big for it now.

Christmas day and Mum and Dad’s tree was the fullest it had ever been. Lucky they bought a new tree this year otherwise the old 3ft tree would have been absolutely swamped. We don’t do a breakfast as such, just cereal, toast whatever you can find, and we save the feasting for lunch time and then continue to graze throughout the afternoon. A table laid with Chicken, Pork, Turkey and Ham…with Potato Salad, Coleslaw and a Pasta Salad, with scrummy bake at home rolls was our Christmas fare.

After lunch and after Ryan and Seth had both been fed we all gathered around the tree out in the sunroom. So many presents, but this year was special it was our first as parents, as it was for Mick and Cec, and also Mum and Dad’s as grandparents. Let’s just say the boys were spoilt.

Michael and I were pretty spoilt too, jointly we got a new toaster, and also a stab mixer, which will benefit Ryan no end. Oh, yeah and the McGuiness McDermott Adelaide Crows Monopoly board game. Michael also received the Steve Waugh book and Ricky Ponting memoirs and two CD’s, The Killers and Nickleback. Me, well I got ‘Destiny’s No. 1’s’ CD, and also Robbie Williams, ‘Swing when you’re winning’. Michael also got be a voucher to get my belly button pierced, or should I say re pierced, it took it out when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Ryan. And my gorgeous little man, Ryan bought me (well he told Daddy want he wanted to get me) a diary for my handbag for the coming year. A diary that has West Highland White Terriers on every page. My little boy has taste...

Desert/Afternoon tea was a choice of either Christmas pudding or Chocolate Mud Cake served with custard and/or ice cream. Mmmm…. Can’t beat Michel’s Patisserie Mud Cake with Ice Cream and custard.

We had a very relaxing afternoon, just sitting around chatting and playing with the boys while Dad dozed in the lounge. We don’t get to see Mick and Cec that often so it was great to have some quality time with them, and not have to share them with their friends, I know that sounds selfish, but that is normally how things are. When they are down they are in such high demand, we usually get squeezed in when we can. This time is and has been different. Now they have a son, Mum and Dad another Grandson and Michael, Ryan and I a Nephew and Cousin they are trying to get as much family time in as possible.

Mick and Cec, and little Seth, left later in the afternoon. Michael and I stay down for the traditional tea of leftovers and also to sit down and watch the DanceSport Ballroom Championships as we do every year. Another one of our traditions. Michael and I wondered home around 11:00pm. Took us a little while to gather our goods and chattels, but it didn’t seem to take that long unpacking once we got home.

We got to bed a little earlier last night, myself around midnight with Michael following an hour or so later. Very exhausted, but very content.

Fran's First Bloom for the Season

Today Fran’s first bloom for the season fully opened.

I have been waiting for it to bloom as a sign that my little girl, Rosie, had got to where she was going. I like to think now that she has arrived at the gates of doggy heaven, ready to celebrate Christmas with all her doggy friends.

A quite sense of peace is with me now, as Fran continues to bloom and her scent so strong on the afternoon breeze. I smile every time I see a flowering Frangipani and think of my very special little girl, and know that she is watching over me and with me always.

Love you and Miss you…

Have a Very Merry Christmas ‘Rabbit’

Limousine's, Scenic Drives & Holidays...YAY!

Yay....as of 11:00am Wednesday morning I started holidays. We don't open the office again until 9th January. So it will be a lovely break.

The morning at work was spent just tidying up loose ends, we had made sure we didn't have a lot left to do during the week. I think we all had checklists in our heads, not have I done this, have I done that? I had been racing the whole week to get my commission run for the month done so I could pay our boys, and because I had had a few days off sick and also had problems with this months run I was beginning to doubt I would get them out on time.....But I did....PHEW!

This year we celebrated Christmas at my bosses place up at Macclesfield. We were picked up in a gorgeous limousine and taken on a lovely scenic drive throught Hanhdorf and Echunga to arrive at Maccclesfield around lunch time.

Our gorgeous host's Richard (my boss) and Gabrielle (his wife) were out the front awaiting our arrival. We were being treated to a 4 course lunch, all cooked on their new outdoor kitchen.

Starters of Atlanctic Salmon with chives and Cream Cheese and Pumperknickel Bread were to be had out on the deck, which overlooked a 1/2 acre block and the spa on a lower deck again.

When 1st course was ready we moved back up under the pergola, and were served Prawns and Bug tails, on a bed of Lettuce and drizzled with Noonies special seafood sauce. It was yuuum. 2nd course followed fairly quickly, Baked Chicken Breast, then grilled with a topping on chopped bacon, breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese, with a basil sauce and steamed asparagus, capsicum and celery. This was accompanied by fresh bread.

3rd course was to be a little while, so we moved back out onto the deck again, where a lovely breeze had sprung up. I think we experienced four seasons in one day. It was so peaceful and relaxing. A great way to end what has been a busy and eventful working year. So many birds in the trees, even a Kookaburra family, what merry old souls they are. And monarch butterflies, reminds me of the day Michael and I took our vows everytime I see one.

When 3rd course came out we were sitting down to roast lamb (butterflied) done on the new kitchen, with a red wine jous, lettuce, cherry tomatoes and a cold bean salad with pine nuts. It was very delicious.

We decided to do Kris Kringle between 3rd and 4th course, to let all we had consumed settle. It was great. We didn't do the usual pull a name out of the hat, instead we had to buy a unisex present, and then a names would be pulled out of a hat, or in our case a water jug (empty of course) and the person chosen would then take a present from off the table. It was great.

It came down to two gifts left on the table, with only myself and Gabrielle to be called out. Gab got called out first, and said 'Well I can't very well pick that one can I'...it was they gift she had placed on the table, although she was quick to point out that she would be very happy with her own gift, so I knew I would love it too. It was an Asian style/influenced incense, candles, and oil burner set. So pretty and very apt considering my love of the Asian influence and the fact that Michael is part Asian.

The rest of the afternoon saw us all sitting around the spa, dipping our toes and talking and laughing about the year that was. God, it was so relaxing. Up under the pergola one more time, for 4th course, Raspberry Ice Cream (Allie, you would have loved it, just like the ice cream you make) served with Strawberries and Blackberries, or where they Blueberries, I am not sure.

Coffee and Tea came out, and to go with this we opened the goodie baskets that had been given to us from a couple of our Fund Managers that were full of lots of lovely nibbles and wines, and grazed on them. I don't think anyone really wanted to leave, but our limo was booked to pick us up at 5:30pm.

Kissed and hugs all round and then it was off into the Limo again. We were dropped back at the office at around 6:40pm where there were Taxis waiting for those that had booked them and our cars in the carpark for the rest of us. It was a great day and a good way to finish the year.

I Miss You my ‘Little Rabbit’ – R.I.P Rosie

You were my little baby, from the first time I saw you at 5 weeks old. My little girl, how I miss you so much, it still hurts.

I sit here tonight with an extremely heavy heart. I am struggling to see the screen for the tears, but I want to write this, so know you that I think of you everyday. It was on this evening two years ago that you took your last breath. At 5:05pm, I had to make the hardest decision of my life to date, and that was to take yours, to rid you of the pain you were in. It was so hard to watch you suffer as you did, it was all so sudden, but I held you till you were gone. I will never forget your little body, it went so limp. But I knew you were no longer suffering.

I came home from the vet’s that night so numb, I still remember it so clearly, like it was ‘today’. I sat out the back on ‘our ‘ bench for hours, just staring into space, questioning why, you were so young.

Remember ‘Fran’ well she produced her first spike (since we had bought her). Her first bloom opened the evening you drew your last breath. I took it as a sign that you were at peace now, no longer in the pain you were. There was a warm breeze that night that caught the scent of Fran’s blooms, it brushed my cheek as if you were saying ‘Goodbye Mum’ I am ok now. I sat at the back until midnight. A big electrical stormed rolled in. You funny little thing, you used to love sitting outside in the rain. How ironic that it rained the night I laid you to rest.

Well Fran didn’t bloom last year, it upset me as much as your little personality not following me around the house everywhere. I think maybe you were telling me that you weren’t quite where you were heading, and you would let me know when you arrived when Fran spiked again and flowered.

You must be close my Little Rabbit, as Fran is out there now with a beautiful big spike and at least 60 buds on her. I have been checking everyday, there are 5 buds that are so close, and so you must be near to your destination. I will check everyday until I smile, with a tinge of sadness and then I know you have arrived.

Please let me know soon Little Rabbit….Please.


R.I.P My Little Angel
Aonais Devils Rose (Rosie)
29/12/1998 – 19/12/2003

Precious Baby Boys and Bargain Buys (My first ever Garage Sale)

Although having very briefly met my new little nephew, Seth, on Friday night, I finally got to have some quality time, really get to meet him and catch up with my Brother, Michael and his gorgeous wife Cecelia today. As I said, they did pop in very briefly Friday night, but as they were on their way out we didn’t really get a chance to catch up. Today made up for all of that.

We had all arranged to have lunch at Mum and Dad’s. It was lovely, Mum and Dad and their kids with their own kids. 3 generations under the one roof, something Mum and Dad I think thought they would never see (with the paths that mine and my Brother’s lives were taking). But god was Dad so proud. It felt really good. My Brother looked so at peace and content holding his little son in his arms, like it was meant to be.

Seth is a funny little boy, although only 10 weeks olds he looks like such a serious little man, always has a frown on his face, it is so cute, but we did get some gorgeous smiles out of him today, and they weren’t wind. He very much looks like his Daddy when he was that age it’s incredible really. Considering his Mummy is ¾’s Chinese, there appears to be now Chinese in him at all, none that is evident. When he talks, he talks very quietly, almost a whisper, you really had to listen to hear him, but it was so cute.

Ryan loved him, as Ryan loves kids thanks to the time he spends at Child Care. He didn’t seem to bother by me holding Seth and cuddling him either, maybe because he was having cuddles with his Daddy at the time….I don’t know.

Tomorrow night Cecelia is coming to pick Ryan up with me from Child Care as she works in the industry herself, up in Toowoomba, Queensland. So I think she just wants to have a sticky beak at how things run down here. Friday herself, Mick and Seth are coming along to our local CYH where I get Ryan weighed and measured as Seth is due to be checked a swell. How cute will that be, Brother and Sister taking ‘their’ special little people to be checked out together.

While Cec was feeding Ryan (around lunch time) we were talking about how our babies sleep when they were out. Seth is so new that he still sleeps in his pram, although they have bought a portable cot down with them. When Ryan was younger he would sleep in his bassinette and then his pram, as he got too big for his bassinette. I was talking about how we were going out N.Y.E and didn’t know what we were going to do with regards to Ryan and getting him to sleep. I wouldn’t trust him on the bed, even with millions of pillows, as he is a roller.

Just at that exact moment, my phone rang. On the way out to get lunch Mum and (my) Michael drove past a garage sale, and out the front was a porta cot for $20…something we didn’t have and couldn’t justify pay $$$$ for, for something that we will get minimal use from. They asked the seller if they could keep it for an hour or so and I would be back to have a look at it. I went back, with Michael and Cecelia in tow. Mmmm…I collapsed it and put it up again, giving it a thorough going over, none of us could see anything wrong with it. The seller said that someone else had asked about it in the time it took me to get back there, but she honoured her word and let me look at it first. The first buyer offered $15, but they really wanted $20. I offered $17, and we ended up agreeing on $18. My first ever garage sale, and I think I got a good bargain. Now my little man will have something to sleep in N.Y.E.

Good spotting Nan….THANKS.

So Proud of Myself....Ho Ho Ho!

I am very proud of myself this Christmas…All bar one more gift for the most special little man in our lives, which we just have to pick up, I have just finished wrapping and put the last gift under the tree and all with 9 sleeps to go. Normally we are still out shopping Christmas Eve. But this year it is all done. I can’t believe it. I feel a lot better about Christmas this year than in past years, even though we are probably celebrating on our tightest budget yet. But to us Christmas is a time of celebration and getting together with loved ones, not about the $$$$ side of things.

Maybe it also has something to do with the most precious little thing in our lives, our 9 month old son, Ryan. I know he is too young to know what is going on and what all the fuss is about, but we wanted to celebrate this special time of year, and our first as a little family.

Having a new little man in our lives has seen us tighten the purse strings somewhat on every front. This year Michael and I set a budget, a sum total of what we were going to spend. Michael decided that he would save his overtime from work, and his money he earns from umpiring indoor cricket exclusively for Christmas. I can proudly say, that we have done well. We are both very happy with our purchases for our loved ones, and each other.

We sat down and drew up a list of what we wanted to get everyone, my Mum and Dad, my Brother and his Wife, and their new son, along with Michael’s Mum and his Brother. Although they told us not to get them anything (and to please respect their wishes), but to instead spend what we would’ve on Ryan. We compromised and bought two little identical gifts, one each from Ryan for them. We will put them in the post this weekend.

Ryan’s gift from Grandma Douthie arrived from Tasmania this morning too, so it has been safely wrapped and put under the tree along with the other gifts. This year I have had to put the tree up on the coffee table, so little Destroyer Douthie can’t redecorate it for us. And also to keep the gifts out of his tiny hands, we will let him have his fun with them Christmas Day.

Ryan’s first Christmas, I am so happy to be celebrating this joyous time of the year with the newest man, albeit little man, as he would have to be the most precious gift I have ever received, the gift of new life. A gift I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see…but with the gift of love from my darling husband, I have seen my dream of a being a Mummy come true. I don’t need anything else, as long as I have my family.

Merry Christmas to all who read my Blog….may the festive season bring you everything you dream of and wish for.

Christmas Parties & Paediatric ED's

Last night saw Michael, Ryan, myself and Mum and Dad (Nan & Pop to Ryan) celebrate Ryan’s first Christmas Party.

We kept him home from Childcare yesterday, with Michael taking him to the doctor’s in the morning. Ryan’s cold was just that, a cold, but it was the mucous that was running down the back of his throat that was causing all the problems. A mixture, of breast milk, formula and solids combined with mucous, didn’t make for a very pretty site, especially when Ryan did managed to get rid of the mucous each time from his poor little stomach.

At 6:30pm we wondered down to Ryan’s Child Care Centre where they were holding their Christmas Party. A sausage sizzle was put on and a special visitor arrived at about 7:15pm with little gifts for all the kids. We were lucky to actually get there, as Ryan had been really sick since Monday and I didn’t think it fair to take him to his party if he had been away sick, but at the same time I didn’t want him to miss his first party either. A phone call to the director of the Child Care Centre and we were cleared to join the celebrations. Helps when our little man is the director’s favourite.

We ended up taking Ryan up the Paediatric ED at the Women’s and Children’s Hospital, because as of 8:15pm last night Ryan had thrown up 7 of his last 9 feeds (since Monday), and I was starting to get a little concerned. I was more worried about dehydration as his urinary out put was basically non-existent. We only had to wait in triage for about 3/4's hour, which was pretty good, before being taken through to the PED. They gave him a good check up, (keeping in mind Michael had yesterday off and had taken Ryan to see my doctor in the morning.) His oxygen levels were down a little bit and the soft spot on his head was a little sunken.

He was due for a feed around 12:15am this morning, but understandably I was hesitant about feeding him, but at least we were in the right place if he were to share his meal with everyone and everything around him. He kept his feed down, but still no urinary out put, they wanted to test for infection.

So they put a little bag on him to catch any wee he might do. Well because they didn't get it on properly the first time they missed it, and of course the nappy caught it, so they had to put another one on and of course we had to wait for him to go again. 2:30am, he finally went. They tested the sample and it came back fine.

He did have a really wet cough, and was wheezy at times, so they were even thinking a touch of asthma. The registrar in charge wanted to get chest films done, but we had missed radiology by 10 minutes. Diagnosis, well either a 24 hour bug, as he has kept the last two feeds down, or a chest infection (with the food and mucous not agreeing with each other, hence throwing up). He did bring up a little bit of lovely yellow stuff while up there. They can't really treat young babies and it is generally hard to give/get an accurate diagnosis.

So poor little thing, he didn't get to bed until about 3:45am this morning either did Michael and I. Michael is only 5 minutes from work, so he felt ok to drive in this morning, but I knew having further to go I would have trouble concentrating being so tired. Ryan woke up at about 8:20am as it was. I feed him and he kept it down, which is good. He is at Mum and Dad's at the moment (being Thursday), they thought I might like the break, and to be able to go back to bed for while.
I will go and have a nap now and then go down and pick him up and have some lunch with Mum and Dad. Nightie Night….

Christmas Trees & New Recipes.....

Well this weekend saw us having a relatively quiet weekend, but that is not a bad thing. Thursday night after work I went down to Mum and Dad's for tea, as I usually do, as they have Ryan on Thursdays, and Mum likes to cook for me so I can have one night off a week.

Mum and Dad have had the same Christmas tree since I was born, so it is 30 something years old. A few weeks ago they bought a new Christmas tree, only they hadn't gotten around to putting it up. Every time we popped in I was like 'is it up yet?'....this time I didn't bother asking, I just snuck out the back, slowly opened the door and went 'Yay, the tree is up'. There were no decorations on it at that stage.

Two years ago I bought Mum and Dad some hand painted baubles, two that read Margaret and Brian, another two that read Michael and Tanya, and another two that read Michael and Cecelia. One Michael is my brother, the other my husband and Cecelia is my sister in law. So we had the family on the tree. This year having had two new additions to the family I needed to add two new balls to it. One each for Ryan and his new little cousin Seth.

So I went back inside and grabbed Ryan. Together we put up the first decorations on Nan & Pop's new Christmas Tree, the family Christmas baubles. If we are blessed with anymore little people in our lives, I will have balls painted up for them too. I finished decorating the tree after tea, and after Ryan had gone to bed, with my Dad placing the angel on top as the last decoration to go on. I have a rule that the man of the house must put either the star or the angel on top as the last decoration.

Michael had his works Christmas Show Friday night which saw me and my little man home alone. Ryan was in bed by about 7:30pm, so it was a quiet house let me tell you. Michael eventually ended up getting home around 2:30am, after having to wait nearly two hours for a taxi, but he had a good night, which I was happy about, as he had reservations about going in the first place.

Saturday after I had had my nails done, and Ryan had woken from his nap we hit the shops, sourcing Christmas pressies. I decided to get my SIL some cookbooks, so was on the hunt for Low Carb Cookbooks, and my Brother is really into Sci-Fi, so have ordered in the newest book from one of his favourite authors. Michael is really into cricket, so I thought I would get him the Ricky Ponting book that is out at the moment, I think Mum & Dad have bought him the Steve Waugh book too, so he will be a happy little boy. We are a family of readers, so I have also bought Dad a book too. Mum on the other hand, well I had gardening ideas for her, until Michael found what I wanted to get them already out in their garage....BUGGA....back to the drawing board, I guess I could always buy her a book too.

We bought Ryan some clothes, but will be going back in a fortnight to buys toys. God, there is so much to choose from. I want to get him fun but educational stuff. I know he is going to be spoilt this Christmas, not only from Father Christmas, but from his Mum & Dad, Nan & Pop, his Uncle Mick & Auntie Cec and his Grandma Douthie.

As for Michael's Mother and Brother, well we have no idea. They live in Tasmania and are so hard to buy for. I guess we are going to have to put our thinking caps on, as this year, I really don't want to do the gift voucher thing. But I do know that while shopping at Big W I found these drink coasters that you can slip photos into, so we will do a set up each for my Mum and Dad, and also Michael's Mum with photos of Ryan in them.

Saturday night we went down to Mum & Dad's to watch the basketball on 'Fox'. They were going out and didn't mind us going down there to watch it. So we packed up our bbq meat, and Ryan and off we went. Yummy bbq, but a sad result with the basketball with Adelaide losing.

Yesterday we had our first hot day for the summer, 38 degrees. I didn't want to take Ryan out in it, so Michael was a doll and went and did the groceries, while I stayed home and did the washing, not very exciting huh? Mum and Dad popped in around 2:00pm. I did however try a new recipe last night. I have never had, let alone made risotto before. Tragic, isn't it? I don't know why I got it in my head, but last night I just 'HAD' to make risotto.

Ham and Mushroom risotto. Having not had it before I had no real expectations as to what it should be like. It smelt good through out the cooking process so that had to be a good start. Michael kept passing comment on it too. But the test is in the tasting right, (or something like that). Well Michael loved it, I thought it was a little too heavy on the garlic, but I wanted to follow the recipe the first time, to see what it was like, and will play with it next time. Yes, there will be a next time...I LOVED IT!

Just Like A Holiday at Nan & Pop's....Well Almost

Today was Ryan's first day back at Child Care in a week and a half. He has been on holidays at Nan & Pop's, well sort of, only coming back here to sleep of an evening and the heading back to Mum and Dad's the next day.

After having Ryan see two different doctors (or cowboys as I call them) at a local drop in centre, only because he had fallen ill on a Sunday (when my GP was closed), and giving me two different diagnosis, I wanted to get him in to see 'my' GP. After a thorough examination, and with the symptoms I had described and the very visible rash on my little man's body, he diagnosed Glandular Fever.

Without doing bloods, of which it was too late to do, as they should've been done when I first presented Ryan to the other doctors, he was 99% sure it was GF, and the rash had come about due to the reaction with the antibiotics. Apparently if GF is treated with anti's it can cause a rash, not dissimilar to Meningicocal, to break out. So to be on the safe side my GP recommended that Ryan be kept home from child care for the week.

Thanks to my Mum and Dad, Ryan's Nan & Pop, Michael or I didn't have to take any time off work, which we were more than happy to do, so as to be able to stay at home with Ryan. Mum and Dad told us they would have Ryan for the week.

Mum and Dad love spending time with Ryan, so much so that after he was born and we were home from hospital, they would pop over every other day until I went back to work. It was great. They really relished having a grandchild. They never thought they would see the day they would become grandparents, let along grandparents twice in one year.

I think Dad was quite proud to be looking after his little grandson, and found Ryan a great source of entertainment especially as he is now sitting up and a lot more into things, and also rolling around everywhere.

What did they do for the week, well they all went out shopping, attending doctors appts together, and also went to Mum and Dad's fitness classes together too, where Ryan was absolutely doted upon by everyone there. They even went out and bought a new Christmas tree. Not much, but it was great bonding time.

I am so lucky I have my parents here to help out whenever they can, and they appreciate being able to see Ryan whenever they want aswell as their newest grandson, my nephew lives in Toowoomba, Queensland, so they wont get to see him all that often, which is sad.

As for Ryan's first day back at child care, god he was made such a fuss of by the staff, so many hugs and kisses, but he loves the attention I am sure and squeals and squiggles with delight back at them. He had a good day, and it was like he had never been away. He feel straight back into his old routine like he had never been away. He is such a social little butterfly and has little friends (although they are all bigger and older than he is) in all the rooms he visits.

Xmas At The Douthies...

Last night, (Saturday night) saw us celebrate our first (and hopefully not our last) social event on what is considered the busy social month of the calendar year.

Michael and I had spent the day tidying and prettying up the front and back yard, making potato salad, garden salads, home made hamburgers and freshly baked bread, all while looking after our 9 month precious little man.

We had organised a gathering for about 20 of our closest friends, Xmas At The Douthies. Well come kick off time, 6:00pm, seem to be an hour later than was posted 7:00pm, we had 13 guests willing to take the field. Yes, I was disappointed that we didn't have a full team, but this is always going to happen. I had one phone call during the day (apologising) and another just as the first of the guests were arriving. Although disappointed both callers couldn't make it, I was appreciative of them letting me know.

This time around we had asked the guest to all bring something to contribute towards the evening (to help the hip pocket out a little bit). We had offerings of salad and drinks (thanks Fi & Glen), Honey Maple Chicken wings (thumbs up Leeanne & John), Tandoori Chicken Kebabs and Potato Chippies (way to go April & Owen), the yummiest of desserts, Tiramisu Cheesecake and Chocolate Mudcake (a moment on the lips that can linger for every.....yuummmm, thanks Shaz) and Naomi, Glen Max and little Tamsin supplied the Chippies, Chocolates, Dips, Crackers, Cheese and Kabana. Our contribution, well as written above, homemade Bread, Hamburgers, Potato Salad and a Garden Salad, and shop bought Sausages.

The night got off to a quiet start, with everyone sort of sitting around in a deadly silence (thank god we had taken the stereo outside) well that is how it felt to me anyway. I was trying to place host and catch up with everyone at the same time, while tending to my 9 month old, Ryan and also getting food ready. As the evening grew older the noise level started to rise, which was fantastic. Made me feel a bit better about it all. I was worried the dynamics were all wrong and the mix of people wouldn't work, but I think we got away with it in the end.

Strangely the boys tend to congregate around the bbq and all cook together, not on this occassion though. Michael was left to tend to the barbie himself, quite strange (so I took over from him so he could sit down and eat, mind you I hadn't eaten at that stage either), this probably why all the food wasn't presented (as cooked) at the same time. Patties and sausages went out first, and by the time all the chicken had been cooked everyone was too full to want any. Very disappointing, but it was the same as dessert, Shari had gone to the trouble of baking a Tiramasu Cheesecake, and also a Chocolate Mud Cake only to have about a quarter of each eaten.

Naomi had bought her two children along, Max, 3 and Tamsin 6 weeks. They are both gorgeous kids. Max was so well behaved, a real pleasure to have around. I was trying to imagine Ryan when he gets to Max's age, but it seems so far away. And little Tams, well I got Ryan's old bassinette out for her to sleep in. It felt so strange wheeling it through the house empty, but it looked so complete once she was in it. Having Tams around made me realise just how ready I am for another one. I was checking up on her every few minutes as if she were my own.

It was great getting everyone together before christmas, pity the rest couldn't make it. I just wish, for me it hadn't felt like they were all leaving just as I had finished eating. Our first guests probably left around 10:30'ish and the last around 11:00pm.

Thanks Naomi and Glen for offering to stay and help clean up, and Fi & Glen for staying to help clean up, greatly appreciated. Everyones dishes that they bought are all here and clean waiting to be reunited with their rightful owners. Leeanne, thank you ever so much for putting Ryan's first gift under the tree too, you naughty thing you certainly didn't have to buy him anything, but I am sure he will love whatever it is when he opens it.

After everyone had left Michael and I were sitting our the back going now what? Being totally honest to me it didn't feel like one of the best gatherings I have organised, but I can't put a finger on why. Someone elses turn next time.

Tired Eyes, Real Estate Agents and Sick Little Boys...

God, my eyes are hanging out of my head this morning...tiredness and hay fever and having half a yard full of rye grass doesn't help either. Well how did last night go...I picked Ryan up from Child Care and he was pretty good, although the rash, OMG...had completely covered his little body, poor thing, he even had welt marks on his face. The R/E agent was suppose to get there are 6:00pm, rang to say he would be about 20 mins late. I held of feeding Ryan until he had gone, he got a little grizzly but fell asleep in Michael's arms, which was good.

Basically it comes down the fact that Michael and I are never going to get the price that we need to be able to afford to purchase anything half decent. With our extremely $hit wages we are only ever going to be able to afford a mortgage of $164k. Most houses market for around $230k+.

We need to be able to get at least $220 - 230k (if not more to be able to cover fees and costs) for ours, and after two appraisals from different agents, it seems highly unlikely that will happen. First appraisals came in at $219 as an investor buyer, and $229 as a home buyer, although this agent thought we would be lucky to get that. Last nights agent came back with conservative high $100k's to low $200k's. We were welcome to put an offer in on the house that we were interested in, but the agent sort of hinted (although he wasn't suppose to) that it would be too low, I figured property would sell for at least $230k. He did say he would let us know, if we had the slightest chance, but I told him I would rather not put an offer in than a ridiculous offer.

At one stage I thought we may even be able to afford to move north or south (which neither of us really want), but until wage conditions improve even that is unachievable. Anyway agent left around 7:30pm. So I woke Ryan up to feed him, and then piled him in the car to go to the doctors. God, I hate drop in centre's...We got there at 7:50pm and we had to wait 1 1/2 hours before we saw someone. Ryan was such a good boy, considering he should have been in bed 2 hours earlier, thank god there was a little boy that was entertaining him. The doctor we saw last night gave Ryan a very quick examination, and said it may well have been just a viral rash, but will put it down the penicillin, and we can get him tested when he is older. Basically we just have to keep plying him with dymadon/panadiene and keep his fluids up.

By the time we got home I was so tired that my gorgeous, considerate man, offered to iron my shirt for work, put Ryan's dirty clothes from child care in the wash and also wash and sterilise Ryan's bottle and bits, so that I could just feed Ryan and put him to bed aswell as myself. We both slept like babies....

This morning Ryan woke up for his feed, and then went back to sleep, which he needed as he lost 3 hours sleep last night. The rash has all but gone, but he still has a cough. Although the doc we saw on Sunday wanted to see us tonight to see how Ryan was going and to check his throat. So guess what I am doing again tonight. Oh yeah, there is another tooth just itching to break the gums too. So that would be adding to his discomfort.

Tiny Tots, Tupperware & New Homes

What a mixed bag weekend it was. For me weekends start on Thursdays when I finish work. I am lucky enough to have Friday's off.

Every Thursday Ryan spends the day with his Nan & Pop, so to give me break from domestics, they also cook me tea/dinner (of some description). I never know what we are having but I never leave hungry. It is great, they love having him for a day, and they also knows that it helps us out with one days less child care fees. God bless my parents.

Friday was quite an unusual day for me, with Ryan only wanting to eat and sleep. I wasn't going to argue as somedays I struggle to get him to have naps. Not this time. Ryan was sleeping 2 1/2 hours at a time and only waking for a bit of a play, a bum change and another feed. I though this a little odd. As the day progressed, Ryan's temp kept going up aswell. Considering it wasn't a warm day, I thought this strange, and put it down to teething.

Friday night I went to my first ever (oh, I heard you gasp...don't sound so shocked) Tupperware Party. It was a lot of fun, hosted by a newish friend Sharon, whom I met through my girlfriend Allie. A girly evening was just what I needed. 3 of us chickens left from here, myself, Allie and Beck and along the way we picked up Leeanne. A car full of girls on the way to an girly evening.

Wow, Tupperware has become so modern from the stuff our Mothers have/had in their cupboards. It was all so new and so funky...and so expensive (sobs). I really would have loved to have purchased some new items, but with the budget being so tight at the moment.

I just had to be a watcher not a participater. But I still had a great night, enjoyed the company of some great girls, offered to road test Beck's T/W purchases for her and drooled over the views (or what we could see at night anyway) from Sharon's house...Sweetie, you know I am so jealous, nothing like stepping outside or onto the deck and being able to smell the sea air and salt bush. Funny part of the evening was trying to decided which recipes we each wanted to take home with us. Peter had like a file a fax recipe book being handed around for us to take one recipe each from. The girls thought it would be a great idea if we all got a different one, and then had a dinner party with them one night. YYUUMM.

Saturday was a pretty quiet day for us. I had my usual nail appt in the moring, with my dog, Dee, getting her hair(fur)cut in the afternoon. Still had a sick little boy that only wanted to sleep and eat. His temparature had seemed to have stayed stabled. Saturday night was a cosy night on the couch in front of the tellie.

Ryan had woken us twice during the night Saturday night/Sunday morning, and he is such a good sleeper normally, that I was starting to get concerned. His little body felt like it was on fire. His temp had gone through the roof. Made an appt at the local drop in/queue up doctors clinic round the corner. The wait wasn't too bad, only 20 mins. Turns out my precious little man was/is suffering from a bacterial infection in his throat. God I felt so bad, thinking I should have gotten him checked out sooner...blah, blah, blah, the usual beat up mothers give themselves (well I do anyway) when they feel like they have been a bad mother. Anyway we started on the antibiotics yesterday. A known side effect, diarrohea, poor little man.

Michael and I came to the realisation not long after Ryan was born, although I think we knew in our hearts and heads when we bought our home, that one day we would outgrow it. It has been great for the 3 of us, but will be quite cosy for 4, not to mention no back yard for our childrens to grow up and play in. We have been looking for real estate that has 3 b/rooms and study/family room or 4 bedrooms, and a good size block for Ryan and any brothers or sisters that may come his way.

I stumbled across a home while driving to Mum and Dad's Thursday night,so Sunday afternoon Michael and I attended an open inspection. We all fell in love with it, Mum and Dad too. It had that feeling about it, like 'I WAS HOME'...which is the same feeling I had when I first walked into the home I am currently living in. Although I only found it Thursday, it has been on the market 3 weeks,and offers have to be submitted by Wednesday night. Not really enough time to organise anything (or so I thought)

We can only pick 3 faults with this house and they are all reasonably minor, a) no linen press, b) the garage (not the carport, which is the first part of the garage) has no doors on it, they have set it up for entertaining, which is perfect in it's own way too, c) electric hws (in the roof) and electric stove/oven. It is a great size block, the family room although tiny is very cosy, and I felt real comfy sitting in it yesterday. Bedrooms are good sizes and the little sunroom/family room is adorable. Perfect size for a t.v, sewing machine and computer, which is what we wanted. 3 bedrooms and somewhere for the previous mentioned items.

We are having the agent come out and do a quick appraisal on ours tomorrow night,and I have spoken to my mortgage broker and he has told me things can be done in a week. It is scary and exciting. I can't go any further without getting what I need for this place first, but also having the vendor of the property we are interested in accept our offer, they sort of go hand in glove.

Little Boys and Belated Birthdays...

Little Boys...

Well I am wearing my SAHM cap today. Ryan is asleep at the moment having had a belly full of milk and apple/pear puree.

We went for a visit to CYH this morning, it was actually that review appt that was made weeks ago when CC where giving me grief about his development and lack of eating and weight loss. All is good and Ryan would be about a 99% perfect Angel. We just have to get him working on his balance and sitting up more, but apart from that everything seems fine.

Ryan's weight has plateaud slightly, but this happens as solids are introduced and he is expending more energy during the day. I only had him weighed about 2 weeks ago, isn't really a true indication, I will get him weighed again in a month.

Now that he has gotten the hang of eating we can start moving up to big dude food. Within reason (not being too spicy or sugary) there is no reason why Ryan can't be eating pureed what ever we are eating....chicken, fish, steak, mornay's....YAY. Might get me a bit more motivated to cook of an evening again. We can try egg, but only a 1/4 of a teaspoon of egg yolk, in case he reacts to it. Quick handy tip for fish - Grilled fish fingers and then peel crumbing off, instant fish for babies....Mummies love fish fingers too.

Although the afternoons can get a bit testy at times (due to Ryan not sleeping), I am really beginning to enjoy being a one day a week SAHM again. I know there were times where I wished I was back at work. Our little man is growing up into a right little man about town. This first year is going by so quickly I guess because Ryan is changing and developing so much.

Belated Birthdays...

Guess who celebrated their birthday again last night too. Michael didn't get home til late last night, around 9'ish, I had fed Ryan and put him to bed, there was nothing on TV so I cooked up some rice to have with tea and then went and laid down for while. Michael got home and fussed in the kitchen for a little while before coming into to see me.

He came in singing happy birthday with a little bag in his hand. Inside (and this may not sound very exciting) was a packet of photo paper and a repo bottle of perfume, my equal fave scent to Cool Water, Issey Miyake. I love my perfumes, but with money always being an issue we tried and have found the Refan Perfumes to be great. I can't really pick the difference so that is good enough for me.

I had been complaining for a while that ever since we had the digi camera I don't have any pics to show people, cos they are all uploaded onto the computer, where as with the polaroids we would always get the film developed as soon as it was full. What a lovely gesture, he said that he knows I need a lot more paper and will get me more....YAY.

When I got up to go out to the kitchen he had all the lights off and a Mud Cake from Michel's with candles on it too...funnily enough they were trick candles. You would blow them out and they would light again, even Michael didn't realise straight away, but it was so funny and made me smile. So I feel lucky having celebrated my birthday 3 times.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Well I still can't get my head around it. Saturday morning I was given the news that very good friends of ours have come to a point in their lives that they are going through a trial separation.

They have been married 14 years, although things have been a little rocky for the last 3 years, and have two beautiful girls. I know they had been having problems, and the thought had always been there that this day may become reality, but it is such a shock when it does.

I know some of the reasonings behind the break up from both sides of the fence, and this doesn't make it any easier. Especially when one side is slagging off the other. How am I suppose to be supportive of them 'BOTH' when I don't agree with the way he is talking about her 'behind her back' now. I don't know what she is saying to others, only what she has said to me, and it certainly isn't as derogatory as he has been.

I feel sorry for their gorgeous little girls, it has also been affecting them, as it would when children see their parent arguing all the time. Their attitudes and behaviour have changed to so much, I only hope over time they come to understand what is happening, or more to the point why.

I want to be there to support them both, but I just don't know how. They were both there for me in my times of need and loneliness, I just wish I could be there for them, but it is always hard when you are friends with both and don't want to take sides, or worse still be drawn into a situation of taking sides....

Wild Wild Saturday Night Bash

Well today was the day that saw me turn 35! ...How do I feel? I feel great. I have acheived almost everything I have wanted to by the age of 35. One more little acheivement and I will feel complete. I would have met the man of my dreams and purchased a house with him. Gotten engaged and married and together are raising our darling little son, but there is one more thing I yearn for, another child, a brother or sister for Ryan.

Last night (Saturday night) I celebrated my birthday with a Wild Wild West themed costume party and some of my bestest ( I don't care if the word 'bestest' isn't in the dictionary, and that is coming from a straight 'A' English student) closest friends....YEEHAW!!!

We had spent most of the afternoon at Mum and Dad's where we were hosting the evening, due to the room they have and the fact that they are away anyway. Blowing up balloons and cutting crepe paper, Michael and I breezed through the deco's in not time, watched on by our little son Ryan, sitting in his rocker beside us. He even had his own little balloon to play with.

The backyard had been decorated with hay bails (thanks Rach), banners, cut outs of horseshoes, cactus and cowboy boots (I had been making over the preceeding few weeks), balloons, blue check gingham tablecloths and there was even a sleepy mexican in the corner. We had also set up a card table to look like a poker table. And down under the pergola was to hang my pinata, in the shape of a cactus.

The evening (for me) got off to a rather stressful start, thanks to my DS Ryan not wanting to go to sleep (he is only 8 months old) and my guests having to help me out in the kitchen. I felt like I should have had it all under control, but I didn't. I guess that is one of the joys of parenthood, things don't always go according to plan. I had my DH Michael stressing out at me because I was supppose to be outside entertaining and enjoying myself. Bit hard when you can hear your precious little person from the other end of the house screaming like someone was taking his life. I gave in and went and took my son from his father and manage to settle him within about 10 mins...ah peace at last for us and sleep for him.

Let the celebrations begin, I could now enjoy my guests and my evening. I felt so bad for not being out there with them to begin with, but having such a fantastic group of people with us, they all understood.

Like I said, it was a Wild Wild West themed evening and all my guests looked fantastic. An Indian Chief, A Confederate Soldier, a Cowboy, a Sheriff, two cute Cowgirls and three sassy Saloon Chicks. A small gathering you maybe thinking and you'd be right, but what we lacked in quantity we certainly well and truly made up for in quality and laughter. Everyone went to to much trouble with their costumes, it certainly made my night and raised my spirits, as they had been a little low.

I had been spoilt with very much unexpected gifts too...A 3 pack of Aussie CD's, an Audrey Hepburn Calendar (I absolutely adore Hepburn, I think she is most gorgeous woman ever, so much so if we are blessed with a daughter she will be Audrey-Olivia), a photo of myself and closest girlfriend, and Ryan's godmother, Allie, taken at her Hen's night, A Cowboy Shooter pack (including shot glasses), Shari knows the way to my heart and from Leeanne, a yummy smelling bath pack from the Bodyshop...dont we all just love Bodyshop products. Like Leeanne I also love to indulge in long relaxing baths. So I could quite easily hang Hepburn in the bathroom, while soaking in a lovely bubble bath downing cowboy shots.

I think when you are given gifts that you really love and reflect you it means your friends now you, I mean really know you....if you know what I mean.

God we have so much food and drink, that we will be eating left overs for days. Yuuum....party food left overs. But there was one thing missing, a birthday cake. I didn't mind this though although it was bought to attention later in the evening.

I think the highlight for the evening was when we hoisted the pinata up the evening. I had filled this with a mix of chocolates, as I thought these would be appreciated more the toy fillers. We played the proper way with someone pulling on the rope to get it moving up and done and swinging around making it a moving target and harder to hit. It was fantastic. Being blindfolded and spun around a few times and then let loose at it certainly made for some huge laughs and near missed (other peoples heads)

A balmy 31 degree evening made this outdoor celebration just perfect, couldn't complain at all. Great munchies, great music and absolutely FABBO FRIENDS made my birthday one I wont forget.

I feel truly blessed to have such a great bunch of friends in my life, that I know I can always count on to be there, as they can me. Thank you for sharing a Wild Wild evening with me/us. Love you all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME...hehehe

As for how I spent today. Very relaxing, once we had gotten back home. Michael and I stayed at Mum and Dad's last night. Thought this would be easier and make it a lot easier when it came to cleaning up.

Craig stayed down as well, saving himself a rather drunken drive back to Morphett Vale. He was such a doll and helped us clean up after everyone had left last night, that we only had a little to do this morning. Craig wondered off about 9:00am. The house was quiet again, which was nice. I fed Ryan and put him down for a sleep. While I jumped in the shower Michael went outside and finished cleaning up. You almost wouldn't know we had been there.

I think we got home around 12:30pm. God we were feeling so lazy. Thank god the washing machine does all the work and all I had to do was fill it. That was the extent of my energy expenditure. It wasn't until about 4:00pm this afternoon that we realised we hadn't done any groceries, so Michael made a quick dash down to the local shops to pick up a few things to get us through the week.

Michael cooked tea for me, one of my faves, Create a Meal Sweet n Sour Chicken, and he had even bought my fave dessert, Sara Lee Chocolate Pudding. Sadly we were both too full to want dessert. Although the table was set for dinner, I was more than happy to relax on the couch and play catch up with tv we had taped during the week. A nice relaxing night to top of a great weekend.

We've Turned The Corner....YAY!

Well over the last two months we have been struggling to get my gorgeous little man to take solids and to aslo sleep during the day. I have been trying since Ryan was 6 months old to introduce solids and get him to have am/pm naps...but to no avail. In realisation his lack of sleeping during the day could be put down to hunger, although he wasn't crying as if hungry.

I was feeling like a failure as a mother and I was also placing a lot more pressure on myself due to Ryan's carer at Child Care, telling me he should be doing this and he should be doing that....I have battled these thoughts and feeling for two months. It doesn't help when you are constantly being told that his carer is worried that he isn't developing as fast as he should be. Although not all babies are the same I told her, but what would I know, I am a new mum and she has had 20 years child care experience and is an ex nurse.

I had made an appointment with our local CYH just for a health check and a bit of chat about getting my little man interested in solids and inturn hopefully help his developement. I was starting to get a little more paranoid than I already was.

Fast forward to Ryan's 8 month birthday.

This was the day that he successfully starting taking solids at child care. I was so happy, yet a little reserved at the same time, as prior he had been having solids only every other day, and it was affecting his weight. Nope from the 26th October he has been having 3 feeds a day, morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea, with his usual boob or bottle inbetween.

I am so excited, Ryan's little mouth opens up as soon as he sees the spoon coming, just like a baby birds at the thought of it's mother feeding it. For the first few days we had to use a second spoon as a distraction, something he could play with and get the feel off while playing with it in his mouth. But the last few meals have been an absolute delight...Ryan makes me feel so proud when he sits there and looks at me as if to say 'more'....

Inturn, now that he is taking solids his naps/sleep during the day are also starting to improve. We were lucky if we could get 20 - 30 mins out of him and no afternoon sleep. We are now up to 1 - 1 1/2 hours in the morning, and on good days about the same in the arvo, although some days will see him go without his afternoon nap. I am still working on this.

Nothing has made me feel so good as to see Ryan sitting in his little rocker with his mouth open in anticipation. My little man is growing up...

New Life, Love and Burying the Hatchet

New life.....

New life is so precious and something we should never take for granted, as my little 8 month old son sits next to me in his rocker, waving at everything (he has just learnt to wave, although he probably doesn't realise what he is going just yet) and talking away so sweetly....Love you Little Dude...

I had the pleasure of visiting a girlfriend and her newborn in hospital on Friday. Girlfriend is looking great and her little girl is divine.

Poor thing was taken from her mother straight away and put into an oxygen tent, where she still remains at the moment with a condition known as she has Hyaline Membrane Disease which means she has air leaked into the membrane surrounding the lung and so when she takes a breathe the lungs can't expand fully and she has to work very hard to breathe.

It was so hard seeing her in her little oxygen box, but take comfort in the thought that she is in good hands. You feel useless at times like this when there is nothing you can really do, but be there for her Mum, Dad and little Brother.

I just hope that is isn't too long before this new family are all together again under the one roof.

Love....

Michael, Ryan and I attended a gorgeous backyard wedding yesterday afternoon. The wedding of one of Michael's oldest friends (from Tasmania) to his now gorgeous wife. Wayne and Tracey celebrated their nuptials in front of family and friends in the prettiest garden....

On the arm of her father, Tracey looked radiant in a gorgeous handmade lilac/purple gown. Equally as gorgeous was her little escorts. Her two sons Jack and Blake, in their little white shirts and vests, and Mikayla her flowergirl. For their ages the kids were so well behaved.

In between the ceremony and the reception we thought we would take our little on home for a nap. This didn't happen with my little man screaming for the entire hour we were home.

So I fed him in the carpark of the reception in the hope it would settle him and lull him to sleep. This didn't work, but doing laps up and down bumpy paved paths and over grassy hills did. My little one finally petered out around 7:30pm after me doing laps of the tavern and golf course. He slept like and angel in his pram until and piper came in and started playing the bagpipes. A gift from the Bride to her Groom, to celebrate his Scottish ancestry.

The Bride and Groom and their guests dined and danced the evening away at a local tavern. Very pretty grounds as it is on a golf course with a rather large duck pond. It was a very family orientated evening with 4 - 5 newborn to toddlers sharing the occasion.

Burying the Hatchet...

It was at Wayne and Tracey’s wedding that the hatchet was buried between myself and a friend, Rachel. (I don't think I will call her an old friend, as I have only known her about 5 years).

This friend was to be one of my bridesmaids when Michael and married, only a few monetary issues raised their ugly heads only weeks before we were to walk down the aisle, with some fairly heated comments being passed back and forth, to the point I didn't even want her in the same room as I at our reception. We hadn't spoken for two years.

She was my bridesmaid from hell.

Her now husband, Justin and mine always kept in touch, but I was adamant I didn't want anything to do with her. I certainly didn't want to be attending anything social if she were to be there, cut off the nose to spite the face type thing. Apparently Rach always asked after me, but she had disrespected me so much I didn't want to know.

Well yesterday things changed. Maybe we have both changed, grown up more maybe. Rachael made the effort to come over and say hi, see how I was and also meet my little man, of whom she hadn't even seen yet at the ceremony. It was only brief, but it was a start. It was kinda weird for me, a bit awkward as I didn't know how I was feeling, or how I would feel towards someone I had so much resentment for. But I handled it. It didn't feel as bad as I thought it would.

Fast forward to the reception.... most of the guests had arrived. Justin (Wayne's best man) and Rach arrived not long before the bride and groom and mingled a little while. I don't really think either of them knew that many of the guests. Again we eventually ended up talking...I was feeling more comfortable with this.

By the end of the night we were basically inseparable, like nothing had happened (although her words will always be locked away in my mind). We did kinda mention our issue. Rach mentioning that we had all done/said some horrible things (in my mind I was like 'what did 'I' do wrong initially, I knew what she had done and said, but not me) but only to say that the past is exactly that, THE PAST...

I feel like we have gottten over things and moved on, or as Michael pointed out, maybe it was just me that hadn't moved on.

Girlfriends in Your Life

This poem was just sent to me by a girlfriend I hold very close to my heart, I think it epitomises everything about girlfriends in our lives.

GIRLFRIENDS IN YOUR LIFE

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,and then I started to become a woman. And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, you will see the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man

Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mum.

Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say let's pray together,

Another let's cry together,

Another let's fight together,

Another let's walk away together.

One friend will meet your spiritual need,

Another your shoe fetish,

Another your love for a good laugh, another will be with you in your season of confusion,

Another will be your clarifier,

Another the wind beneath your wings

Another your mentor.

Another your birthing partner (this one wasn't on the list, but is very close to my heart, love you Nanna S)

But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them, whether to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making, a complete fool of yourself ........

Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many it's wrapped up in several.

One from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, on others your sisters, and on some days your daughters.

Time passes, Distance separates, Children grow up, Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break, Careers end, Jobs come and go, Colleagues forget favours, Men don't call when they say they will BUT...........

Girlfriends are always there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would we.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

I'm an Auntie...YAY!!

Well at 5:27am this morning Michael and I become Auntie Tan and Uncle Mick, and a little cousin for Ryan was born.

Welcome Seth Anton Wright

To Michael and Cecelia, 7lb 1oz and 54cm long. And only a 2 1/2 hour labour.

Steak And (Ryan's) Kidneys

Well we have just gotten in from our appt with Professor Tan at the Women's and Children's Hospital where we have been having regular check ups on Ryan's little kidneys.

At 19 weeks gestation it was found that Ryan's had dialation (narrowing) of both the left and right Renal Pelves (tube that runs between the kidney and the bladder). Not an uncommon occurence in babies, but nonetheless something that needed to be monitored.

A scan again at 28 weeks showed that the right pelve was infact correcting itself, however the left one wasn't. Scans were done again when Ryan was 5 days old. Not a lot had changed. Right pelve improving, left still lagging behind. So we have been having scans and tests done every few months to track progess. The lasts tests that were done had shown a slight detioration in the left kidney, still pretty meaty, but retaining a little fluid.

Ryan is now 7 1/2 months old and we our last lot of tests done last week and yesterday with our specialist appt with Professor Hock this morning. A catheter test showed that Ryan isn't suffering from any urinary reflex (YAY), although a NMAG (nuclear dye test) done yesterday showed that Ryan's left kidney isn't working quite as much as the right. In a perfect world the kidneys should be sharing the load 50/50...Ryan's left kidney is functioning at 49% with the right at 51%, this is within norm and we along with his specialist are not too concerned. It is just a matter of keeping an eye on things and seeing how they develop (or not). So in 6 months time we go back for another ultrasound and a check up.

Just like playing Dress Ups

YAY....Mission Complete...

In about 4 weeks time I will be turning the big 35!!!! For some god unknown reason I decided that I wanted a party, a Costume Party. A WILD WILD WEST Party.

Well tonight after work I popped into the city to try on my cossie....MWAAAH...all sorted although I am not going to share the details here til after the event, sorry girls and guys.

Now I just have to get my toosh into gear and organise everything else, time and cash willing that is. I have booked a frozen cocktail machine for the night too, which should be fun, and oh so tasty...mmm. Also have my pinata sitting here waiting to be filled and hung too.

Have got blue check gingham tableclothes made up, but still want to get some haybails (for seating), old horseshoes (for a game of horseshoes) and even want to find some kids hobby horses, to maybe have hobby horses races with.

I can't wait to see all my great friends have a WILD evening in their WILD WILD WEST cossies.

Mmmm...just got to think about throwing something together for my little boy too....8 months old, think he would make the perfect little indian baby....ok, thinking caps on.

A Morning of Changing Faces and Girly Get Togethers..

What a busy/tiring day I had today. My morning started at about 6:10am, which with Ryan is becoming the norm. Today we headed into the city to try on costumes for my party in a few weeks time. It is so much fun dressing up and taking on a different persona...

My gorgeous man honed in on his cossie straight away, god it was so easy and he looks GREAT, but girls I ain't giving anything away. I had a costume in mind, but the sales (if that is what you call the people that work there, although they aren't selling are they, they are hiring) girl thought it was a little too big, althoughI had hired it once before, so she suggested that I pop back in Wednesday after to work to try on something else she had in mind....cool, I could do that, no dramas. So my man is kitted out for my WILD WILD WEST evening, I just have to look after myself and the little dude, Ryan.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with a great bunch of girls, enjoying each others company and great food. It was an afternoon where I could be me, not Ryan's Mum, as Ryan was at home, or out visiting with his Dad. It is nice to be able to go out and not feel guilty. I love meeting up with this bunch of chickens, we can be ourselves, share our troubles and laugh with each other and know we are not being judged...which I am sure wouldn't happen normally with a group of women.

We try to meet up regulary, which I think is great, we all lead such different lives, and all have different interests, but it was one common link that bought us together, that of getting married. We all, and I am PROUD to say this met through a website. We should never close ourselves off to other mediums as ways of making new friends.

I can say that I have met my best friend, and female soul mate through this website, and she and her gorgeous hubby became part of our family when the accepted the honour of becoming Ryan's Godparents.

Girls thanks for a great afternoon.

We Survived our First Week....YAY

Well end of the week for me came at 5:00pm yesterday...and I can happily say we have survived our first week of me being back at work and my little man at childcare....YAY .

Tuesday was hard...How was I?

Blubbering like an idiot from the moment I had gotten out of bed. God I felt so sick in my stomach, the nerves were definitely playing with me. After my shower I sat in the lounge and had my breakfast with my little man well I tried anyway, very hard when your fighting back the tears. He was just sitting in his rocker, cooing and gurgling away happily and giving me the biggest smiles ....

God how guilty did this make me feel .

Anyway I finished my brekkie and getting me ready for work before I packed his little back for his first day away from home. Michael is incharge of drop offs in the morning and I get the pick ups

One last cuddle and kiss and I knew I had to leave for work. I did find once I was on the road and at work I wasn't too bad, although I didn't really know how I was going to feel. I was so busy at work I hardly had time to stop, although this didn't see my mind wandering off onto my little man and thoughts of how he was.

I rung the child care centre around 2pm. Ryan was just about to have his 2nd bottle . I didn't know how he would go, as he has only ever had three bottle full stop. But he finished every last drop. Had some really good sleeps and just as much awake time.

Apparently the girls and team leaders from the other sections couldn't get enough of my little man , this made me feel so good . And all the other toddlers in his section loved him too.

Pick up time couldn't come quick enough for me. He had just woken up when I arrived at 5:20pm from almost an hours nap. He looked so cute sitting on his carer's lap all wrapped up in his ducky blanket. Took him a little while but it wasn't long before he was cooing and gurgling at me....oooh so sweet.

Michael rang me Wednesday saying that we has finishing work early so he would pick our little man up. He had had another good day. No grizzles, left 40 mls from his first bottle (little bugger that stuff is like gold) but took all of his second bottle and had four 45 minutes sleeps and was asleep when Michael picked him up.

He has been such a good boy, but I think he is a placid baby, unless he gets a tummy ache ...which are becoming fewer, so it is likely he is outgrowing them...YAY.

Yesterday morning Nan & Pop came down about 7:45am to pick him and his stuff up. Dad was like, I have already got the heater of for him, and we will go for a walk around to the shops later etc....it was so CUTE.

God they are almost as clucky as I am. I got back to their place about 5:30pm, so instead of picking him up and rushing home to feed him, I fed him there and then stayed for tea myself. Which will more than likely become a regular Thursday night thing.

Michael was there for tea aswell, but every other Thursday works until about 7:30pm'ish. So Mum suggested I stay for tea, to save being home by myself, which doesn't bother me, but it will be nice to have the company and two sets of spare hands if Ryan gets a little grizzly .

He takes around 150mls per feed from a bottle, so I have been able to express enough for the two feeds that I am away from him so far and haven't have to resort to the formula.

We had a good sleeping routine going while I was at home. Last feed anywhere between 8:00 and 10:00pm, followed by a bath and this would see him sleep til 6:00am, which would have worked out so well for when I was back at work. We will see how things change now I am back at work.

YAY ....I get my little man for 3 whole days. Feeding my little man myself, not from an EBM bottle. I must say I had enough stocked in the freezer and have been able to express enough at work for him this week that he hasn't needed formula, of which I have a tin in the cupboard....just in case.

I'm Going To Be An Auntie

Well a couple of hours ago, I found out that I am going to be an Auntie My Brother and his Wife are expecting their first on October 25th this year. She is 13 weeks.

They did know when they were down in March but didn't want to say anything before the 12 weeks. So being so close to term will mean they are unable to share in Ryan's naming day...

But the great news is we will be celebrating Ryan's first Christmas with his little cousin.

They are coming down for Christmas ...so it will be my Mum & Dad, Michael, Myself & Ryan and Mick, Cess & our little niece/nephew.

Wow to think 7 weeks ago I wasn't really anything (except pregnant) and now I am a mum to a gorgeous little boy and in 6 months time am going to be an Auntie too ....

What a Super Special Christmas this is going to be....I can't wait....how many more sleeps?

Farewell My Friend, The Angels Are Calling....

Today, Monday 7th March, Myself, Michael and Ryan said a very sad farewell to a dear dear friend, John Follett.

John sadly passed away to make his journey to a better live on March 2nd, never getting the opportunity to meet our little son. He died just 4 days after Ryan was born.

We attended the funeral along with many, so many of John's family, friends and work colleagues over the years. I dont know how I managed to get through it. I was feeling sick with nerves and butterflies, wondering how I was going to say goodbye to a true gentleman.

The service went for about 1 1/2 hours. A touching tribute to a dear friend, reflecting on a life that was so full of love, life laughter and faith. It was so hard sitting there knowing that we weren't to see this wonderful man again, that he would never get to hold Ryan, officiate at Ryan's naming day (John, why couldn't you have hung on just a little longer old friend, I know that sounds selfish, but I didn't want you to go, it hurt too much).

Ryan was such a little angel through out the ceremony, he slept, while I openly wept at the loss of my friend, every now and then stealing glances at this precious little life alseep at my feet. It was a beautiful service, with John's casket being carried out the waiting chariot that was to deliver him onto the next life, through a guard of honour, made up of all his friends from the CFS, from the many districts in which John had volunteered.

Upon saying goodbye we placed handfuls of rose petals onto his casket. God I was beside myself. I kissed the casket but couldn't bring myself to say goodbye, just seeya later. We went and passed our condolences onto Rosalie and the girls before leaving to bring my new little life home for a feed and a sleep. We didn't need to say anything....

But the most special thing happened on the way home. We were parked out on the main road of the church and were about to pull off the kerb, when the hearse came out of the drive way next to us. Together we travelled the same road for about 3 kms, with John's casket in line with Ryan's car seat. Now some might find this morbid, but I took great strength in the thought, that it was John's way of looking after and over Ryan, the little boy he never got to meet. He was letting us know that he would always look over Ryan, his guardian angel.

Although I could not contain the tears, I felt so special that he had chosen to share some of his last few kilometres of his days on earth with us. The time come for us to part as we turned off, John went up and over the hill and out of sight, we waved his farewell but know he will never be far from us, as he will always be in our hearts.

Love you my special friend, and I know that you will always be looking out for our special little man, Ryan...

God Bless....

The Story of Ryan Mitchell Michael

Well I am not sure where to start with the story of Ryan Mitchell Michael’s birth…but to say that Michael and I are now of the thinking that things did actually start happening around 3am on Friday 25th February 2005. So please grab a coffee and your comfy pj’s, this could take a while.

I woke with what felt like serious period pain, but mistakenly just thought these were BH’s, as I was expecting to experience something different to what I had. These pains continued on and off for about 3 hours. I got up showered, had brekkie and went off to my Ob’s appt at 9:15am. That appt only took about 15 mins, so I was back in the car by 9:30am. OUCH…here came that feeling again. It felt like it last forever, but was probably only 3 – 5 mins. I got to work around 10’ish and gave Michael a call just to let him know that all was fine and our now little Ryan was 2 – 3/5’s engaged.

I had only been at work about ¾’s hour when the cramps came back. No one would have know what was going in within, as I didn’t really give any outward signs of what might be happening, as again I thought it might have just been BH’s, due to the fact that Ryan wasn’t due for a little while longer yet. I got through the day with no more pain.

I left work Friday, at about 5:10pm, my last day, looking forward to starting M/L on Monday and hoping to get a few days to myself. I got about 10mins away from home when the cramping started again. I had to stop to put some mail in the box and had this strange sensation, (and sorry if this is TMI) that I had wet myself, but only slightly…mmmm…. I knew I didn’t need to go to the toilet. Now I was really beginning to think that something was happening. I rang Michael at work to tell him what I had just experienced…and when he said ‘What ? Your waters have broken’ apparently the whole office went quiet. I told him not to come home, as it wasn’t that bad.

I pottered around the house, thinking not much of what was happening within. Until we got to about 6:30pm and the cramping was becoming more constant. I had started timing ‘these cramps’. 20mins apart and lasting for about 1 ½ mins. Because I still wasn’t convince that what I was experiencing the real deal, I stopped timing them. And just tried to get through the pain.

We rang the W&CH’s and asked them what they thought. Yes, I was getting the waves of pain, but not where I thought I should they should be starting. I thought I it would be like a wave washing over my stomach and ab’s not just in the lower abdominal region, so I told the hospital ‘no’, there were no really strong waves of pain (god how stupid was I). ‘OK…well it sounds like things are on the move, is that what you think?’ I answered ‘I was pretty sure they were’. Well it could be a long night so try and get some sleep .

I wasn’t hungry, but knew I should probably try and eat, as I hadn’t eaten since about 1:45pm. Michael heated some baked beans and cooked me some toast. I think I ate about 4 mouthfuls, I just couldn’t stomach anything.

I can’t exactly remember what time the next wave of cramps (contraction came along), but it was getting on in the evening somewhere around 9:30pm. We started timing these ones again, just to see what was going on. Mmm, 3 mins apart and lasting about 2mins. This time the pain had seen me using positions and techniques we had learnt in Antenatal classes. Breathing (with a really good breathing coach besides me, getting me through every wave of pain), kneeling, walking around, back rubs. Although it got to the point that none of these methods were providing any relief.

My abdomen was cramping to the point that I could hardly stand up…. I found myself sitting on the toilet for about ¾’s of an hour. The only place I could get comfortable, well as comfortable as one could be, being in what we now knew was labour, as I had ‘the show’ , yes pinkish/reddish tinged. This was definitely the real deal. My little man was telling me from within that he was on his way. Another gush of fluid. Michael was really sweet the whole time. Telling me to breathe, and even going to find me a squeezy stress ball.

All I wanted to do was lay down and rest . I managed to somehow get back to the bedroom when another excruciating contraction came on again. I got down on my knees on a pillow, leaning against the bed with Michael rubbing my back. I didn’t even make it into bed. The only place I was really semi comfortable was sitting on the toilet. Michael had gone out into the kitchen to do something. It was now 10:30pm. I got up to try and get back and all of a sudden, OMG, it was like Niagara Falls, I could believe what was happening. I had never seen so much fluid. I called Michael back and he just stood there and could believe his eyes either. It felt like forever that everything was emptying from me.

I got back to the toilet, but it was providing no relief at all. Now Michael was running around packing my bags for me, and one for Ryan. Ok we are now at about 11:00pm, this is where I start getting a little hazy. Again we rang the hospital. This time after telling them that contractions were 3 mins apart and still lasting about 1 ½ - 2 mins they suggested I came in for an examination. Michael rang my Ob, Julie just to let her know what was happening. She said the hospital would call her when she was needed. I really didn’t want to go to the hospital to only be told to turn around and go home…. there was no way I could’ve handled it.

I don’t remember much of the car ride up there. Only that I was in the back seat with Michael refraining from driving like a mad lunatic. But he did well. He gave me the little stress ball to concentrate on while he timed the contractions. Still no let up, 3 mins apart and lasting 2 mins. We pulled up at Women’s assessment and as I was getting out the car I felt like I was flooding again. I was examined and told that I was to be admitted straight away, 12:50am, Saturday 26th February. Even though I was only 2 cm dilated the fact that the contractions weren’t letting up and giving me anytime in between to rest was enough for them.

Michael went and shifted the car, and bought my bags in while they did a trace on my belly and checked the baby. Everything was fine and how it should be and Ryan was ok too. We finally made our way up to the delivery suite. I had a choice of wheelchair or walking. I chose the wheelchair, but the midwife convinced me to walk.

I don’t remember even getting into the lift. I do remember walking into my room and seeing a face I had seen for 4 weeks during antenatal classes. As it turned out Kayley, who took our classes on Thursday night was my midwife for the evening. This immediately put me at rest a lot . A face I knew. We had no birthing plan, other than to just go with the flow, we went in very open minded.

We had every intention of having an upright and mobile labour and birth, but my body had other ideas. There was no way I could stand up. I tried leaning into the bed, but ended up on the floor, kneeling, with my arms on the bed for support. We tried this for about ½ hour no relief at all.

Kayley had always remembered me saying that I loved baths, so she drew me a bath. God, what an exercise it was getting in, in between contractions. It felt good initially , if not a little cold, so the bath temperature was warmed up for me. I seriously thought the bath would help ease the pain. But I was wrong. It wasn’t having the effect I had hoped for. God, was I ever going to find a comfortable position.

It wasn’t long until another midwife Jo came in to see how things were progressing, and saw how strong the contractions were and suggested maybe I should try the gas. At this stage I was willing to try anything. The gas seemed to work a treat . Suck it in real deep when contractions came on and the slowly breathe out as they eased. I remember this going on for hours, as the Kayley was doing 15 minutes ob’s on Ryan. I remember about an 1 ½ - 2 hours worth of obs.

Slowly the pain was becoming too much to bear, the gas wasn’t doing its thing. I remember being told I had suck a tank dry and they had to replace it. This was when the contractions where at their worst (as far as I was concerned). Ok, back onto the gas….suck, suck, suck. I was on the gas more that I wasn’t, which was indeed quite a trip. Kayley and Jo decided and sort of asked if I would like the gas turned up. We had turned the levels up as far as was possibly without causing any problems.

I had Michael and Al by my side the whole time, taking it in turns helping me with the gas and the drinks. Letting each other have a break, refuel themselves, take pit stops, whatever they needed to get each other through this long night. I think there were even a few phone calls in there.

I remember the sensation of water being poured over my back a few times, and this felt like bliss. It may not have eased the pain but still felt good. Keep in mind had been in the bath for about 5 hours. My feet had shrivelled something bad and where aching as much as the contractions hurt. Barrier cream was bought in and Al, and Kayley began to massage this into my feet, while Michael was up looking after me with sips of water and the gas.

It was decided to get me out the bath, as both Ryan and I were starting to cook and needed to be cooled down. Ok, so out of the bath. It was such an effort getting into the bath, but getting out of the bath was hell. Especially when you had been on gas for the last 5 hours and lost parts of the night to it.

I vaguely remember getting out the bath, with the support of Kayley, Michael and Al, to be told that there was a bean bag right in front of me and to try laying on my belly for a while so ob’s and an internal could be done. This bit I do remember. The beanbag right in front of me and me falling like a tree just having been lopped….TIMBEEER.

At 6am (and I can only go by Michael and Al’s recollections) an Internal done I was now 8cms. The contractions still weren’t letting up, just as they hadn’t at the start of the journey…. I remember hearing Al ask Megan (the change of shift midwife) if it were too late too introduced an epidural. It wasn’t. It was offered to me and I took it. I figured I had been brave enough. I think it took about ¾’s hour for the anaesthetist to come in. So from the beanbag I had to get onto the bed.

This must have been where I blacked out. I remember being told I had to get up onto the bed and prepped for the midwife, and this meant getting out of and up from the beanbag. I am sure I was like a rag doll. I don’t remember getting onto the bed. When I came to or the gas had finally left my system I remember asking was I on the bed, I don’t remember getting onto it. Once the anaesthetist came in it was time to insert the epidural. I was to sit so still, yeah right a preggo woman having contractions trying to sit still . You must be joking. But we got there. I was asked to be a still as I could while the needle was put in. I tried cutting a deal, I will try and sit still as long as you get that thing in as quick as you can. 7:00am (again from Michael and Al’s recollections) the best drug around was introduced to my body. It took about 20 mins for the effects to start working. But WOW when it did, it was heaven. No more pain . Somewhere in here I remember telling Al that I loved her. Poor Michael I don’t think I told him, that and was a bit concerned at how feral I might have gotten throughout the night.

My Ob, Julie was rung and informed that I was now 8cm dilated. I was entering the home stretch of this journey. She would be in around 11:00am. Those three hours were the easiest of the whole night . Although I could still feel the goings on within, I was in no pain. Poor Michael and Al were looking so tired, but then they had spent all night with me too. As I said they never left my side (not for long anyway). And for this I am truly grateful and loving .

I was so relaxed, that they both took it in turns to go and get breakfast while the other snoozed in the chair while I was alert and so with it I couldn’t believe it. I lay there with this little person within preparing to enter the world, watching my two partners snoozing contently after a long night, one in the chair and the other on the beanbag. Some stage soon after this I managed to doze off as well. My nap since I had gotten up at 7:00am the morning before. I couldn’t have dozed for long as watching the clock for 11:00am’ish seemed so far away. I could hear via the monitors when the contractions were approaching, and also could feel the tightening in my stomach, but still no pain. The epi was topped up 3 times, but it got me through.

Julie came in around 11:30, I remember saying that it seemed like only yesterday that we had seen each other. It was. I had an Ob’s appt the Friday morning. After a few more obs I was given the go ahead to start pushing. It was great. I knew when the push yet still felt no pain. I pushed for about an hour, as many as four humongous pushed per contraction, I felt like I had so much strength to keep going when Julie sort of said ‘Well you have been trying so hard for the last hour and I think it is time’…Myself, Michael and Al just all froze and looked at each other dreading the words we ‘thought’ we may hear, that Julie was going to say it is time for a C. Instead she said ‘I think we’re going to have to help this little man out’. I knew I was fine to keep going but Ryan was getting tired. So the forceps were introduced. The three of us gave a big sigh of relief. Forceps, yep we could do that, although it would mean being cut.

Cut done, forceps in use and with about another 2 big pushes, my little boys head had crowned . Another push and his head was out. I was told to stop pushing for a minute so he could turn naturally. This is where his daddy took over from Julie. Michael got himself ready to deliver his son into this world. Michael had hold of his head and shoulders. Ok one more push, and into Michael’s arms I delivered Ryan Mitchell Michael, our perfect little prince.

The look on Michael’s face was priceless. I am sitting here in tears recalling this part. I looked at Michael and just burst into tears, together we had bought this precious little gift into the world. I looked over at Al, she was looking at Michael and then turned to look at me, we just bawled our eyes out .

Michael then went on to cut the cord and place our son on my chest. God I can’t even remember what that felt like. But he was beautiful. A little bit beaten and bruised from the forceps, but still beautiful. I was asked what his name was. From October it was always going to be Ryan Mitchell Michael, until Michael starting giving a second thought to another name we had come up with, but I think deep down it was always going to be Ryan. I held him up to his Daddy and his Auntie Al and said ‘Well is he a Brock or a Ryan’. Didn’t have to wait long he was a Ryan. Our little prince now had a name for real.

Ryan looked/s very much like his daddy. Michael’s eyes and mouth. While he has my nose. He was so alert to everything around him, and you could just tell that he was trying to take so much in already. This brand new world, I can’t imagine what he must have been thinking. While I was getting stitch up and cleaned up Michael gave Ryan his first bath. Not that I could see it. But I am sure it must have been a wondrous moment for Michael. Just as this whole 9 month journey has been wondrous for all of us.

I can’t say this enough but I really wanted to thank my loving husband Michael for the support and strength he showed me over the last 9 months, and more importantly the last 24 hours (during labour) and also to Al for being there with me too …. I know you had a dress fitting sweetie, and the fact you weren’t going to leave our sides until the job was done, and you met your little Godson face to face, means more than I will ever be able to sum up with words.

One Life Begins Another One Ends....

Well today was my second day home from hospital after having given birth to my gorgeous little man, Ryan only 4 days ago.

Michael was at work as per the norm and I was glowing in the task of motherhood. Sharing 'my time' with my little man in the form of feeding time (morning tea) I was about to quietly read the paper. Nothing different there, always read the births and deaths. The phone rang and it was Mum, 'Have you read the paper yet?', 'No', as she new I always checked the births and deaths. 'I think you should look in the deaths' was all she said.

Mum stayed on the line while I flipped to the Memorium notices....scanning the names, and suddenly my heart sank and I just totally lost it, and I mean lost it. My dear dear friend John Follett had passed away on Wednesday, the day before I was due to come home, fours days after Ryan was born. I was devastated. I didn't even know he was sick (he had kept that from me), and he didn't even get the chance to meet Ryan, how could he....I was in a total state of shock, here I was feeding this new precious little life only to read that a life just a dear to me had ended.

Mum and Dad offered to come and sit with me for awhile, while I got my head around such tragic news. I wanted to ring Rosalie (John's Wife) but didn't know whether that would be appropriate or not. The last time we had spoken was at Christmas time, we always shared letters and card, although I sent them a text message the day after Ryan was born sharing with them the joyous news. Little did I know that John himself was in hospital facing the biggest battle of his life, to live.

I got the courage up to ring Rosalie, and was so glad I did, as was she that I had rung. God had just lost her husband, her soul mate, yet she was so strong. That is what a believe in faith does...
She told me John's story and how he was aware that I had given birth to Ryan and was so happy for us (although secretly knew they would never get the chance to meet). John had married Michael and I back on 20th September, 2003. All I could keep saying was OMG I am so sorry, and saying how much we loved both herself and John, all the while choking on my tears, but still Rosalie was strong.

The funeral was to be on the 7th March. I told Rosalie that the three of us were going to be there not matter what. Although with a new born she didn't expect it. There was no way I wasn't going to say goodbye to this kind and gentle soul. Who had been my rock many times over the years. I was my turn to be there for Rosalie and her family.

With life comes death, this is so true...heartbreaking but true.